I have never heard a body's compliment from my parents . The first time I need a bra, she drove me to a mall and bought a bra (first price).
I didn't know what was a compliment, I knew at school I wasn't wise because I used to talk to my buddy beside me. Early I heard it wasn't good being talkative, and I was looking for images (gift to wise kids). But I stayed talkative.
One day we joined my uncle (D), who owned a house, and a buddy of my uncle said to my father "she's looking lovely Fran, she'll be a nice girl", Daddy stayed quiet as ever.
Later I was inside the house. My uncle obtained (I don't know how he got it !!!hmmm) a pack of clothes, and I tried to look for a shirt. Removing my tee shirt, my mother said "look her breast, she'll have same nipples as her grand-mother, it sucks", and my aunt said "yes she will, but those kind of breasts are the most beautiful". I watched her smiling, and my mother pursued "oh no, they are not too beautiful, and she still look like her fucking grandmother". I did trust my mother, so I said to myself "mom is right, I'll be ugly, and I'll have same breast as my fucking grand mother).
I used to see my father and mother naked, and I felt jealous of my mother's breast. She has italian origins, and I wanted to have same hair, as her, but nothing more.
My father's uncle told one day "Fran... is tall, she should go to Paris and be a dancer for Cabarets(Moulin Rouge, for exemple)". No one replied to this compliment.
But I did hear these compliments. It stayed quiet on mind, until 2004 when I realized I had a body.One day before their divorce, I heard from my mother "we are proud of you and your brother, because you're both smart", I didn't care, I wanted to hear "you look good", no she did not.
From 2003 most of my money is for my bras or dresses, I prefer wearing a nice dress than eating too much.
Friday, June 20, 2008
Never heard compliments from parents
to: 2:47 PM 1 comments
labels History, Psychology, Social life
Thursday, June 19, 2008
My identity
I have never heard about the fact my mother had sex with another man than my father. When my parents divorced, I didn't keep in touch with my mother who prefered going to Paris meeting my brother than staying with me (my first dog passed away while her divorce, he got an enormous tumor destroying his sinus and face.) . She said she loved the dog, but going to Paris was too much funny. We used to drive her all over the Provence region, and she didn't like staying with me. Once we went in a famous south of France's place, and when I saw her face, closed, no smile, I said "ok, we return back home, now, don't you prefer ?". In the car, she shaked my hand very strongly, it was a message "I can't love you, I try but I can't".
I had a puzzle on hands and I had to know the problem, not only the abuses. I was born with a lot of hump, my father doesn't have so many humps on him, my uncle does.
And the behavior of my father made me think there was a problem with my identity.
I mean they didn't pay my studies, they didn't care when I had a stroke. So why don't they love me ?
I have never killed someone, and I have never lied to them, until their divorce, I didn't understand.
One day, I remind perfectly, I was talking about headaches, and my mother said "your father too suffered of headache, when he was younger", some days after I talked about headaches to my father and he said "No I haven't suffered of headache".
Later he said "yes I have suffered of headache in past".
I was as much naive than I couldn't ask to myself some question, the fact that my father could be another man couldn't be on my mind. Why ? Because two of us look like each other.
My parents get married on 69 and I was born on 71. I have read letters of my mother to my father where she wrote "she hates D my uncle", it was on 68 69...So what did happen really ?
I guess she felt love in with him, because he was not as much rude as my father, he was more rich too, and more smart. They had sex on august, and she denied she was pregnant, she told me how much I have tried to kill her when I came on this planet ... I spent my childhood with the bad grand mother, I didn't stay in school for too long as early as I learnt to write and read french language. So I felt guilt. I learnt to hate my uncle, his wife and my cousins (step sister). My mother was cruel, telling me "you look like D, you're ugly""D looks like his mother, he's ugly, dirty, and a son of a bitch".
On 93 I met my grand mother to take a book. I met my cousin (step sister) I was with a friend of mine, and I was very confused to meet this little girl, who looked like myself when I was 7.
Now where I'm living I have a cousin a man of 36 years old, he's living near my flat 500m. I have met his mother who said only "Hello" to me and ran away like I was a ghost. I have tried to contact my cousin, but no way!
And we spent a lot of time together, he was my first crush.
I know I won't hear the truth, I can only deal with my intuition and facts (my uncle and mother talked to much both staying away from others...weird no ? She said she hates him, but she liked talking to him").DNA tests ? no way, I won't contact my uncle, they all we say that I'm mad.
So I'm proud of my humps.
For french people, there is a very good article in "Marie Claire", of July 2008, a personal story.
to: 5:18 PM 0 comments
labels History, Psychology, sexuality, Social life
Tuesday, June 17, 2008
Marion my one true friend
I met her repeating my last class , honestly I met her to Paris when for the first time of my life, my parents allowed me to go there with school, we met each other on June 86, it was a trip with all classes, but hopefully, students who sucked weren't there except Sebastien.
We were in a bus, I stayed beside the one who told to everyone about my pants (cf my post about Wet), but I had plans, I didn't want to stay with her all trip long. When we arrived to Paris, there were people from Brazil, and french, (because of football) it's my best memory of humanity, because brazilians are more human than other people on this planet. Everyone laught, said "Hello", and I realized , that Sebastien was beside me in the bus and he left when I saw him.
When we joined the hotel, I had to share the bedroom with 2 girls I didn't like, so I spent a lot of time in the bathroom, because the bath was comfortable, and I took my time. When I joined the girls, a boy was runing in the hotel screaming because a girl wanted to kiss him and she had a knife in her hands. I laughed, because I couldn't believe it, people are often paranoid, and my "lovely" pal told me, "you'll be with this girl next year..." she was for once right.
I didn't like too much Marion because she was like glue with me, I believed she was lesbian.
We spent time both, visiting The Louvre museum. Paris is a wonderful town in France, for tourists :).
Then we returned back home 4 days later, my head full of life, smiles, fun, et cetera.
On september, I was with Marion in the same student class. And for the 86's picture she was beside me her hand on my shoulder.
Sophie was with us too, she was a silly girl, we shared a lot of things, we were a band in the class, I helped Marion and Sophie. They were my true friends!
For once in my life, I had real friends, Marion stayed often at home, her mother was rude, and she thought mine was better ... It wasn't important, because I liked her.
But on 87 my father was kick out of his job. And he stayed at home all days long, angry, drinking, and because he had friends he found a job in another place, so we moved to Digne.
Too sad, my friends stayed there, my parents sold their house, and we left.
I missed Marion so we shared letters, and I called her any weekend, because the cab phone closed to my grand parent's home was free. I swear, the cab phone helped me to keep contact with Marion, I called her for 2 or 3 hours with 1Franc (old french money=€ 1/7 ) .
It was always funny. but on 88 my grand-father passed away from cancer, and we moved again, joining Sisteron.
When we lived to Digne, I have met a lot of pals, I wasn't too much at home, because my mother was despressed and she was rude, one day she robed my books, I used to read too much and she took my books for their book case's.
I was again living a platonic love story with a boy who studying for being graduated, he was as much shy as me...so nothing happened ,
One time, on a party, I was watching him, we were dancing (not together) and another student, a gorgeous one, kissed my neck taking my hand for leaving with him, a buddy told me "go on", I said "no", because I was watching L, who was watching me. But I regreat it.
I kept Marion in touch, writing her, but when I moved to Sisteron, I changed, I was missing my grand-father, and I felt Marion lied to me, I knew she was as much mythomaniac as my brother, she lied more and more. We went to a discotheque both on the end of 89, and it was the last time we really met.
On 90's I wrote her, telling our friendship was over, I wrote a long letter, and I received her answer quickly, she was angry.
I returned living to Aix, for my studies, and some years later on 97 I met her in a mall she was a cashier, we didn't talk, but she recognized me. I found her on the white pages, I called her, and she told me her life, I didn't trust her anymore. We decided to meet again, but I called again her two days later, just to say "no I won't meet you again, I have changed, we can't be friend anymore". I know my behavior was stupid, but I was unemployed, alone most of the time, I have screwed up my studies because I had to work for paying these studies. And almost all, i didn't want to return in past.
But I must admit Marion was a good friend, my one best friend for years.
Sophie left the region and get married with a Parisian, I have never heard about her anymore.
to: 4:22 PM 3 comments
labels History, Psychology, school, Social life, Students
Monday, June 16, 2008
Una giornata particulare

I don't know if most of you remind this old movie with Marcello Mastroianni, and Sofia Loren...Well This is not important, I have lived a particular day, on morning, I felt very nervous and despressed. As usual I took pills and Laurent told me things I had to hear . Indeed !
Well, I have to stop these pills with caution,
And I feel angry tonight, I wanna change,
If a victim reads this, Scream your pain, do not feel guilt, because you're not a sheep, we have to live...
to: 5:36 PM 1 comments
labels History, Internet, Psychology, Social life
Saturday, June 14, 2008
Wet.
We were on June 1985, I was 14 y old, at a drawing class, I felt my panties were wet, I had a pal beside me who started to laugh thinking I have peed in my pants. She was wrong. I went out with her and I went to the toilets, it was break time, and I thought I could do something, because I weared white pants. But I couldn't, I heard few girls entered in the girl toilet's and they were speaking to me laughing, "you have peed in your pants, F! you're really stupid...blah blah blah" and there was in this band a girl who hated me (I didn't know why...) she was knowking at my closed door, which I didn't open of course, I went up on the WC because I didn't want that they discovered me in this WC, but they saw my bag, and they weren't sure I was inside...They were laughing and screaming my name.I stayed quiet in the WC just hoping that the break school was done, I felt very angry, because of them.I wet and it was not because of someone, I didn't understand. They stayed 5 minutes again after the end of the break wishing I was scared to be late at class, but I didn't care, I stayed there and they left...I stayed 5 minutes again, because there were windows every where in these class rooms. Then I decided to go back home, even if I had lessons, I really didn't care, I was humiliated, I went out, and I crossed the School Director, I was crying hiking, but she didn't mind, victims weren't important there, a boy attempted suicide there, hopefully he didn't success, but it wasn't important for people there.
I took the direction way because the doors were opened, and I hiked for 6 km for returning back home.
I said nothing to my mother, I felt very alone.
It was the fist time I was wet, and I hated myself.
After the weekend I went back school but when they tried to tease me with this event, I said "I wasn't in the toilets, you are really stupid all, I had a stomach problem and I returned back home".
Finally they felt they were wrong, but I kept on mind the fact they spent a break making a fool on me.
The girl who hated me had Italian or corsican origins, she had black eyes, very dark, and I took long years for understanding why she hated me.
The reason of that :
When I started this new school (my parents moved too much) there was a boy, very funny, Italian origins, older than me, and i wanted to flirt with him, I told this to a pal, and of course he heard it, and everyone in this school heard it, a lot of girls used to hate me all school year long because a lot of girls had a crush on him.
I never flirted with him, but I know he was attracted to me, because the first time I met him he was going out of a class screaming "screw you'" to his teacher, and I laughed because it was a special situation. He smiled seeing me.
Sébastien repeated his school year and I was in his class room for italian language. Most of boys annoyed me and he was enough smart to tell to everybody I was in love with him. But one year after my humiliation, I felt stronger, and nothing could break me down.
In same time I spent my break time with another boy who looked very lovely, Christophe, and we used to talk together while the break. As he was not loved by people I was the one talking to him, and we used to laugh together.
I did understand, thinking of these facts, 3 years ago, that one girl repeated everything to the school students, she was my neighborg but she was jealous of me, I wasn't as fat as her, and my pal from drawing class wasn't a friend, but a jealous bitch too.
I repeated too for these reasons my last school year, and I met 2 girls which I spent all my year, going out, laughing, living as ever, boys were very pleasant with me, except a big one.
And I used my time helping students in Mathematic's or Sciences, I was the first one, at school and and I had success the diploma while the first year, I felt really cool on this year.
But the big one annoyed me all year long, I'll tell you later, this post is too longer ...
to: 3:22 PM 3 comments
labels History, school, sexuality, Social life, Students
Wednesday, June 11, 2008
Fred didn't come last sunday
Martine is loosing her time on Facebook
This is a fake of my favourite readings when I was a kid.
He wrote on sunday just to tell how much he cried for his training, but I know he just tried to justify himself . He didn't tell that he was sorry to not come for going make some photographies.
Men are always scared when I have to meet them, or just talking online with them, they are rude, or coward, and I'm tired of that.
I don't like when Ken talks to me as I was obsessed by my father, he thinks I have an obsession as Freud described in his trash book's. I think he was drunk talking to me, or he did that because I'm scaring.I have been suffering of headaches for a week, Why do I feel so guilt ?
I like Facebook, but only for private messages.
I have talked to Michelle, and this is the first time I have talked to an American Woman on MSN, she's the most sensitive and smart woman I have met online.
to: 9:32 AM 3 comments
labels Internet, Psychology, Social life
Thursday, May 29, 2008
This week
I have spent from tuesday to today most of my time in bed because of an headache crisis.The pain was too hard to bear, once I took my head in my hands, I cried because meds did nothing to help.
I would love to meet Frederic one of my friend living in Marseille this week end, I wanna take some picture of my childhood village.
I felt happy to receive my sexy dress, and my hand bag, it's may but it's cold, raining and raining, and the price of oil, the price of foods, we are getting mad.
to: 5:25 PM 0 comments
labels Social life
Wednesday, May 7, 2008
Saturday, May 3, 2008
Saturday and Fran is crazy
I'm sorry for my males American pals, in "Ps I love you", Gerard Butler is Scottish, and Jeffrey Morgan is American lol
About my friend, he contacted me few minutes ago, everything is ok except his mother who gonna dies from cancer.....
to: 7:58 PM 0 comments
labels Social life
Friday, May 2, 2008
YES I have received my dress !!! :)
The dress is more beautiful than on the picture, I feel very happy with this one.
But I'm sad because of one of my friend who doesn't contact me anymore. I hope he had no argue with her girlfriend because of me.
to: 5:26 PM 3 comments
labels Social life
Monday, April 28, 2008
I have ordered this dress two months ago
And I'm alway expecting it; I have received the shoes, who looks very nice, and Michelle, I have walked with the black dress, yes it's a sexy dress :0x.
It's raining today, but it's not raining men, I feel tired and angry .
to: 3:59 PM 6 comments
labels Social life
Thursday, April 17, 2008
I don't know why yet
Click to enlarge
Those pictures show a bus stop with "a fraise Tagada", lost , a piece of candy, lost under the bench.
At home we love sleeping, Laurent took the first picture of me.
I took this one in a rent car.
but I can't find a normal job in an office. On morning I had an interview, I went there but I couldn't find the office, by 2 times it happened this month, I really feel the fate doesn't want to see me working for 1200€/ month in a boring job.
I took some pictures today ... let's go...
to: 9:11 PM 2 comments
labels Social life
Tuesday, April 15, 2008
Monday, April 7, 2008
Friday, April 4, 2008
Bad Friday
On morning I had an interview with a tourism company, I felt glad, and I went there, but I didn't find the good explanations to find the company and I lost 3 hours of my day. I tried to call them, but they didn't respond, then I came back home.I did forget my contact lens and I was lost there it's a part of my town, and people there don't really know where we can find a specific place.
I have an headache. I feel tired, because when Thaïs was ill, I felt there was something wrong and I made nightmares all night longs.
Clint was happy to see me, but not Laurent, he doesn't sleep well too, last night, I woke up to 2:00 am and I cleaned because Clint made bad things on the floor around our bed.
I was disgusted. He walks by 6 or 9 times outside but he doesn't stop to piss (above all when we don't look a him).
Beside that, cleaning the floor and cleaning again the floor, sucks to much. I feel Clint feels no secure and he needs some meds to be more calm. Well, C'est la vie.
to: 5:25 PM 0 comments
labels Social life
Wednesday, March 26, 2008
She passed away on morning
I couldn't believe it, but on morning the vet thought the puppies were dead, and he wanted to operate her. We went to see her, before she slept, she licked my face with love as ever, she felt happy to see us, and the vet shooted her for the operation, I said her bye bye by 2 times, it was the last time I saw her alive, when he operated her he saw an enormus tumor, who was killing her step by step, he called us and we decided to let him for the euthanasia. I used to traited her with more love than my own parents raised me . She was my best friend, my child, my mother, I feel so sad, I don't know when I'll post again here, because I need time.
Thaïs du Palais des Papes, 11/14/02 -03/
/
to: 5:48 PM 4 comments
labels Social life
Tuesday, March 25, 2008
I have to drive Thaïs to the vet
She 's too weakened after one week without eating....I feel worried, I hope the vet is not too bad.
Thanks to Graham for the beautiful picture he transformed of Thaïs.
Please this picture is protected by copyright
to: 12:20 PM 0 comments
labels Social life
Sunday, March 23, 2008
Happy Easter !
nice bunny ?
I should take care of my bunny which is pregnant too....
HAPPY EASTER TO YOU MY FRIENDS

to: 10:38 AM 2 comments
labels Social life
Easter
I have some chocolates, but I eat so fast, and I prefer looking at my dog...
She doesn't eat for 2 day, she accepts sometimes cookies, or some meat, but not enough. She drinks a lot, and her puppies are in the good position . She can give birth. I don't know if she's ready right now.
to: 10:21 AM 0 comments
labels Social life
Sunday, January 27, 2008
Posters




- Malcolm29 janvier 20:04A lovely selection of posters and the clip from "Some Like It Hot" was a special treat!
to: 11:56 AM 0 comments
labels Social life