Thursday, June 26, 2008

My old friend C

She is on the left, I'm on the right.1998

When I was a kid I used to spend holidays with my friends around, but on 83's they weren't around.
Once I met a girl I was only 12 y old, and she was 15.I didn't try to talk to her, but she did ask me a shop place for buying some bread. I said that I'll drive her to this shop, talking walking, I heard she was from north of France, she has a sister, and a older brother, she spent holidays in my flat, with her father (her parents were divorced). She became a friend, we spent all July days together, she teached me how to dance, and sometimes her father drived us to the beach.
I felt happy and glad because my own father didn't like going to the beach with his children.
One day we were on a beach, her sister was pleasant, we ate good hot dogs, it was a nice day, we laught, everything was good for us.
But coming back to the car, her father tried to remove her swim swit, and he successed. She was naked in front of her old brother and her young sister but in front of me too. Her father came to me and tried too, I put my shirt on me and I said "no ! ", I sit on the car, beside C and her sister, C were crying, I couldn't know what I could do for her, and her father said "Fran... is vicious she weared her shirt because she didn't want to be naked", he laught, and the older brother too.
C never told me if he raped her.
One month later I left with my parents for going on holidays.
I kept in touch with C. Writing and writing her.
Some years after we forgot each other, but when Internet appeared, I found her on white pages and I wrote her again, she wrote back telling her life "she was pregnant on 15, just after the holidays, the boy left her, and she has a daughter, she sent me a picture.
We met again because with her husband she spent new holidays on 98's, I felt happy to meet her children 3 boys and her daughter a brown one with brown eyes, C has blue eyes and her husband too.
We went to a beach, and she didn't care of the baby the younger one, he was red under the sun.
I felt unconfortable.
One moment she said me to follow her, and I did.
She told me that her daughter didn't know her father, the true one. I said "why don't you tell her ? C I'm scared because one day she'll know and she will hate you, do you mind ?" She answered "yes I know", but nothing more.
Thinking about her I realized (I didn't know my background yet) that her daughter could have as father her grand father. She looked like him, poor little girl.
One year after C tried to keep in touch with me, but I didn't want, I had my brain stroke on december 98 and I didn't want to look back anymore.
She's a poor victim, she doesn't love her children. She was lost. But I couldn't help her.
I tell you this story because I don't focus only on myself, on my background, I have seen a lot of victims, This blog is just a therapy as the last one about the sexual abuses.
I don't complain and I'm not a mythomaniac.
When we are victims, we meet most of the time other victims, that's my opinion.


Karen ^..^ said...

So sad, this friend of yours. Her father was a monster, he tried to abuse you and you did not let him. Very good.

Unfortunately, your friend continues the cycle of abuse by neglecting her children. So sad, that she was so damaged that she could not be a good mother to her children. So sad that it appeared her daughter was her father's.

Very moving post, as always, Fran.

The_Mrs said...

Oh Fran.. I'm so sorry to hear about your friend "C".

This is the thing I fear most about continuing the circle of violence and abuse... not being able to break free from our past and in turn, ruining the lives of the innocent.

I hope that your friend is able to straighten out her life and sort through her past and become the mother that she most likely longs to be.. but doesn't know how.

Hugs to you my friend.


Fran said...

@Karen : I do agree Karen as usual, this woman was a very good friend, but I'm sure her husband and her have other children, I remind the eyes of the older boy who stayed alone, I gave him money for buying kinders, he felt very glad. I pictured her children. I would love to show you, how much they were beautiful.
But she wasn't a good wife for taking care of her children even for herself, I'm sure she hates herself.

About me it was only I didn't want to be humiliated, I could bear humiliating speeches but not another man who wanted to touch me.

@Michelle:Yes she can't be free, hopefully she found a right man, but I don't know what did happen, she didn't love him.
Big HugS XXO my friend

Malcolm said...

Hi Fran,

The good news is that sometimes this 'circle of abuse' can be broken!

A friend of my younger step-daughters went through a series of abusive relationships, where boyfriends were concerned.

A few years ago, she went back-packing in Australia (with my daughter) and met a really sweet and caring young man, who was also from the UK. They've now lived together for some considerable time and he supported her whilst she underwent some major brain surgery. The good news is that they're going to be married at the end of August and, my wife and I are privileged to be amongst the invited guests.

It really seems that, for her, the circle of abuse has truly been broken!

Fran said...

Hi Malcom,

Oh yes this is a good news ! I'll say that the circle of abuse will truly be broken when I'll be pregnant.
But I'm glad this woman take her life back in her hands.
Take Care, and Enjoy this Wedding !

Anonymous said...

Hold someone accountable! If you only pray, please hold someone accountable!