Sleeping ? I can't yet

Joining my bed tonight, I felt nervous, I have watched a french TV Show, with a lot of young singers, and music stays in my head, I hate these moments, when I can't remove the music from my head.
I was thinking of my therapist, and of the moment I will live the "transfert" with the therapist .This woman looks like a man, really, she's not tall, wearing always dresses but she looks like a man more than me with my pants....Well it will be difficult to live the transfert, btw I'm not lesbian. Anytime, there is not a good relation with my therapists, I trust more easily, a person I meet on streets than a therapist. My therapist receives me in a flat, with big doors from cycle XIX, I'm always thinking about people of XIX, who had to open the doors for their Chief. It is fully silly but I like picturing a situation like this one. I'll take pictures of the doors, you'll see.
I feel empty, because I need a mother, someone who would listen to me, who would give me advices for living, who would help me to use a sewing machine, because I need to use one.

A mother who would hold me in her arms. I just need that. And I won't live that. I don't miss my mother, she never has acted as a mother, but a mother, a TRUE MOTHER. A pal of mine says in her blog, that her mother takes too much place in her life. It is true, she writes about her mother, bad but true things, and I understand why she's always complaining.Mine was a flirting woman
like this one, but with the Carla Bruni face, I couldn't exist beside her, and hopefully I pursue my life without this shark.
I don't want to cry tonight, I gonna join my bed, and I'll beg for sleeping because tomorrow is another day.