No it wasn't my grand mother who could do that, but MY MUM the one who had to care of me, because she had decide to have a child on 1971. Today the postman came bringing me my letter with the denied mention.
In this letter, there was just some words to explain I wasn't angry anymore, I could write I was pregnant, or anything else, she doesn't care.For sure, it was hard to her, hearing she has abused me with food, when I was a baby to provocate her father, and the fact she asked to her kids (brother and me) to sleep around our dad, who was naked in bed when I was 7 to 9 years old heads against his penis, while she was cleaning home.
She humiliated me from my childhood to 30 y old, telling I looked like my uncle who was so bad, telling me "you're a pig, you're lazy", "you're so ugly my poor girl", "don't stay here I don't want to see you", "you won't eat tonight because I have decided it".
She gave me pills when at 5 I had nightmares, nigthmares about my rape.
When at 7 and I wasn't at school, she used to go cleaning a house for customers bringing my brother with her, I had to stay at home, "you can't go out, don't make something in the kitchen, don't try to help because you're dirty, don't go out".....et cetera et cetera...
She gave me pills when at 5 I had nightmares, nigthmares about my rape.
When at 7 and I wasn't at school, she used to go cleaning a house for customers bringing my brother with her, I had to stay at home, "you can't go out, don't make something in the kitchen, don't try to help because you're dirty, don't go out".....et cetera et cetera...
I can feel as an orphan, there is no hope, and I don't feel guilty to the things I have done in past, she'll suffer alone, with her regreats, this fucking old bitch.
I'll never know who is my father, but I'm glad because I have written to this thing, to this bull shit.
1 comments:
I am SORRY to hear of your traumatic childhood.
I am glad to see you are moving on.
:)
The good thing is that you know that you are NOW in charge of your life and YOU can make it what YOU WANT!
All that rubbish is in the past and I too try to remember that ONLY I Have the CHOICE to keep myself there in MY PAST and relive the things I went through ...OR I can CHOOSE to move forward and CHOOSE to MAKE MY LIFE WONDERFUL and FULL OF LOVE!
I work on this myself EVERYDAY and when I want to be sad or if a bad thought comes in to my head I tell myself to STOP and OR think of something GOOD! (It's hard when I am depressed or sad but I TRY)
So, Let your biological Mom and this harassing father of yours live in their unhappy and negative lives...YOU don't have to and it looks as if you and your beautiful Clint and the Bunnies...and friends are already taking yourselves out of THAT negativity and opening yourself up to NEW and wonderful opportunities!
YES?!!
I am sending MUCH positive energy your way my friend!
(Hope I wasn't too forward)
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